My Car Quest

September 17, 2019

The 10 Worst Named Cars

A Guest Post by Joshua Newbury –

Names are important. Get it wrong and your child could be handicapped for life, that building that you just spent the past few years of your life creating will be mocked or the car that many people have slaved over getting ready for a deadline could be ruined. So why then, as the name is so important, were these cars given the go ahead?

1. Dodge Dart Swinger

Dodge Dart Swinger
Not much has to be said about the Dodge Dart Swinger to be honest. Although the fact that it was developed, built and released in the seventies should give some clue as to why on earth it is named as it is.

2. Citroen Nemo Multispace

Citroen Nemo Mulitspace
When they hear the name Nemo, most people will associate it with a fish that was argumentative, got stolen, got lost, was not even built properly (the lucky fin remember) and had to be saved by another fish constantly battling its own short-term memory loss. Great name for a fish, not so good a name for a car.

3. Fiat Doblo

Fiat Doblo
Picture the scene; your discussing cars with your friends and after talking about the dream drive conversation turns to your own. “I’ve got a TT” one guy says. “I’ve got a 3-series says another. And now its your turn, your mouth opens and out comes, “I’ve got a Doblo” You hear that? That’s silence, and your mates leaving.

4. Daihatsu Charade

Daihatsu Charade
Yes Daihatsu, lets make a car that’s ugly, slow and offers “significantly worse than average” (quote the Australian Used Cars Rating bods in 2006) protection for its occupants. Add to that a dose of namely deception and yes, this can only be a winner. Surely?

5. Kia Cee’d

Kia Ceed
I’ll be honest, I was going to make fun of the Seed, but have you seen the new pictures of it in 2012 form? It looks outstanding, its just a shame that a car whose looks deserve an awesome name has to make do with an apostrophe.

6. Subaru Impreza STI

Subaru Impreza-STI
Star Wars or Star Trek? Man U or Man City? Impreza or Evo? These are serious questions for serious men, but when the Impreza Sexually Transmitted Infection came out, the Evo became the car of choice. Perhaps those three little letters mean something different at Subaru HQ but over here, the mention of it never fails to produce a giggle. Pretty good rally car though.

7. Pontiac Parisienne

Pontiac Pariessene
No, buying a Parisienne does not make you more sophisticated, smoother in conversation with women or make you dress better. Unfortunately, you will still remain a citizen of a country that does not boast the Eiffel Tower or a massive bike race. Shame isn’t it?

8. Fiat 500L

Personally, the normal 500 is a great car, perhaps the only cute car that a man could get away with driving without being mocked. But making it bigger and sticking an L on the end of the name is just plain wrong. A lady should never be called large and neither should a car.

9. Skoda Yeti

Skoda Yeti
The Skoda Yeti is actually a pretty good car, certainly one of the best in its class. However, this does not save it from having a stupid name. There is nothing about a Yeti (were talking about the abominable snowman now) that stirs the soul or the imagination, which is often what is needed to buy a new car. Perhaps if it was called the Lion, or the Tyrannosaurus, I might be interested.

10. Ford Probe

Ford Probe
Looking back, the nineties doesn’t strike as one of the great decades for a good many things (i.e. Steps) including the naming of cars. Nobody really wants a car with an embarrassing name, particularly if it shares that name with an invasive medical procedure that most people would want to forget. Yet despite this, Ford still saw fit to release the Probe. Buying the Probe would guarantee you constant reminders of said medical procedure and a hell of a lot of jokes at your expense.

~~~

Joshua Newbury is a contributor over at carbuzz. A UK site that gives opinionated news and features full guides on every new car on sale.

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Comments

  1. Excellent observation of brand naming. I always wondered about Dodge naming one of their models Aspire–university speak for ‘wannabe’…

  2. Stephen,

    I agree, I think we can all think of other examples of poorly names cars.

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